This has been such a week of up and downs. I woke up the day after Thanksgiving to welcome month 18 with not so open arms. 18 months. I just can't believe it. A year and a half. We've offically been trying to have a baby for a year and a half. Not one step closer to that goal than we were on day one. It hurts. It really does. My arms ache, my heart aches, I ache. It's something I can't explain, the words aren't there. It's an emptyness. A hole that nothing can fill. The knowlege that that hole may never been filled. I don't think it could be understood by anyone unless they've been through it, and that isn't something I'd wish on anyone.