'Ello!
Friday, March 11
Simon Says
Thursday, March 10
Small Blessings
I have has such a wonderfully quiet day filled with small blessings, which honestly are the greatest ones! Randy got a second job today working just 12 more hours a week, but it's going to bring in some much needed extra money and won't get in the way of our home time too much and his weekend job has promised to move him to morning shift only instead of swing shift. This is such a HUGE relief. He was working until midnight on Sunday then getting up to take a test in Jacksonville at 7am on Mondays and it just really wasn't working for him and it was taking it toll on him and his grades. We really needed the extra money right now so this is so fantastic!
I also found the final photos that were lost but not delivered from my external. I have to completely re edit but I'm just so glad to have them back! I know Angela and Katlyn are even more excited than me! lol I have cried and cried over these photos. I've felt so guilty and unprofessional for the hard drive breaking. This has been such a blessing and a huge self esteem boost!
This is the smallest little blessing, and I'm sure some wouldn't see it as a blessing at all, but it made me smile and it made me happy and that's good enough for me. :) I had to get some security envelopes to mail out contracts and found some on clearance with pink breast cancer awareness ribbons as the security design. Like I said it's the small things you have to be thankful for. They simply made me happy.
I've been looking over baby gear all day. I figure I know I'll get pregnant eventually and I want to be prepared as possible so we won't have any worries when the time comes. I found the pattern I want for our stuff. It's called Bumble and it's by Carters. Perfect for boy or girl. Yellow and grey with bees. I didn't want animals or anything like that, but so far it's the only thing I've even remotely liked. I know I want a grey and yellow and black theme running through out. Boy or girl. :) Like I said, it's the small things you have to smile about. :)
Tuesday, March 8
Dear Baby,
Today Daddy and I went to see a doctor because we've been trying for a very long time to get you here and we just can't do it on our own. It wasn't fun, baby, but I want you to know that I will stop at nothing to meet you. I will do everything it takes to have you here in our lives. I love you so much already, and even though I don't know you yet, I know I be blessed to know you soon. You are so precious to me. Daddy and I talk about you often and we can't wait to see who you are and the things you like and what interests you and who you are going to grow up to be. No matter who you grow up to be, you will be loved. So loved. We are all anxiously waiting on you down here. Gamma, Gigi, Papa, and of course me and Daddy. We've been preparing for you for a while now. You have lots of cute clothes waiting on you and a special blanket picked with you in mind. I love you, baby. There really isn't much more than that to say at this point, but I just wanted you to know, we've taken the first step on our journey to you. It's going to be a long scary journey, but knowing you'll be at the end makes it all worth while. I'll never give up. I love you.
Mommy
Our Doctor Visit
Let me just start off by saying, I have heard terrible things about the Health Department. Not just ours, all government run health departments. I've heard they are dirty, loud, in bad parts of town, and other awful things. I've even heard that the doctors there are so awful they along will make you loose your child. Yep. That is why I've never been to the Health Department. Well, today I put on my big girl panties and I went to the health department. Let me just tell you, it was the best experience I've ever had in a doctors' office in my life. It was nice and clean and I was in and out in 2 hours. That seems like a while but I had to fill out new patient paperwork, go through a Medicaid consult, have blood work done, get a pap smear and apply for PlanFirst Medicaid. My waits in each waiting room were no more than 10 minutes max. The people were so kind and I was never made to feel like a bad person for being there. They were supportive and they listened to me and the best part, a different nurse would come in and say "Aw, you're trying to have a baby? That's wonderful." I didn't have to repeat myself a hundred times and they cared about why I was there. It wasn't about the money. They generally cared. I can not tell you how good it was to hear "Yes, there is something wrong. You have tried enough and you are doing everything right. Let's see what we can do to fix this." I know I'm not crazy. I knew something in my body wasn't right and it wasn't because God didn't want me to get pregnant, or that I wasn't being patient enough, or that I wasn't believing in the magical fairy dust enough, that something wasn't right. I knew it. Yes, I'm sure people are out there that just need to calm down and boom they get knocked up. Those people aren't me. I've had issues since I was 12 with endometriosis and it's been nearly 6 years since my last checkup. It feels to good to know I was right to be worried.
I didn't cry when they drew my blood (this seriously was a big worry) but they did have to use a peds butterfly needle and go through the top of my arm to be able find a vein. I did on the other hand tear up at the pap. Wow. That was kinda rough. The lady told me that she thinks I have scar tissue in my tubes and if I get accepted into the Plan First program I can see Dr. Daniels about treatment. I may have to have another surgery to get rid of the scar tissue, but hopefully after that we should be able to easily get pregnant. It will be amazing. It will take 2 weeks to find out if we qualify for the program. After that I'll have wait to get an appointment with the Dr. and from there find out the steps we need to take to get the ball rolling. I feel so much peace knowing we have options and a way to get past this. I wish I hadn't waited this long to ask for help. We could already have our little bit on the way. But I'm so grateful that we have information now and I'm hoping this leads us to exactly the goal we have been working so hard for.
Fingers crossed we get approved. If not this all stops here and I'm not sure what we'll do.
Encouragement.
Lauryn Brook Johnson AMEN! I hate that I have to justify myself to anyone at all. I have no shame in what I am doing. NONE what so ever. I am not getting a paycheck from the government (unlike the person sending me this), I am using a benefit to apply for HEALTHCARE that I haven't qualified for in almost 6 years!10 hours ago · · 1 person
Brittany Wills Lauryn, I have learned that sometimes it is best not to put too much information on Facebook. People are going to judge no matter what so just don't put everything out there. I get mad sometimes that everyone is in my business and then I realize it's because I put it out there. I am on your side and believe she is wrong but people are always going to voice their opinions, right or wrong.9 hours ago · · 1 person
Rebecca Barnhill there is no shame in that! people are ridiculous and love to find anything they can to complain about. you keep doing what you're doing!9 hours ago · · 1 person
Tina Jones Garrett Lauryn...sometimes people are just stupid....one of my self-invented quotes: "you can't argue with stupid and you can't change stupid"....hang in there!9 hours ago · · 2 people- Lauryn Brook JohnsonThat's very true, Britt. The reason I got FB was to keep in contact with friends after high school. When we couldn't be close to keep up with their life and give them a way to keep up with mine. Unfortunately some people feel like since I a...See More9 hours ago · · 1 person
- Lauryn Brook Johnson And thank God, you and so many others have proved, true friends are nothing I am short of!!!! ♥ I was so excited about today until all this happened. I'm choosing to continue to be excited about the possible opportunity instead of letting any more negativity bringing me down.9 hours ago · · 1 person
Kelly Palmer I told you that Michael Tolcher always makes me think of you....to quote him on this one "Don't let the bitters bring you down"9 hours ago ·
Jeremy N Brittany MitchellWow...Why do people think they have the right to put their nose and opinion into other peoples business? Lauryn I dont know you that well but from what I do know..you are one of the nicest people I have ever met and you can tell right off w...See More9 hours ago · · 2 people
Meagan Grimmett Clayton Your doing the right thing, by seeking medical help AND by using financial help to do so. You paid into it. Why not use it? That's what it's there for. Don't listen to haters, LB. You do whatever you need to do to become a mommy, and you'll be a great one. There's no shame in using what you have every right to use! Keep your eye on the prize - a beautiful, healthy baby to call your own. :)9 hours ago · · 2 people
Ciji Kiker wow people really have some nerve now a days! you handled that alot better than I would have!9 hours ago ·- Lauryn Brook JohnsonThank you so much Brittany, that means so much to me. I try so hard to be the kind of person that encourages others when they are in need. I don't have time to judge people. I'm too busy loving them. ;)
I think so too, Meg. The program was p...See More9 hours ago · · 1 person 
Heather Bridges Hester Hells yea Brook u tell her!! I got ur back....u say the smart things and I'll jump in with the "yeah, bitch!" and whatever other cuss words that are needed lol!9 hours ago · · 1 person- Lauryn Brook JohnsonI know, Sarah!!! You've been telling me forever! I've honestly just been so scared. I'm still scared. I terrified what they may say, but then again, I may get GREAT news that will end all of the problems I've been having. I have to go alone...See More9 hours ago ·
Sarah Mc I don't get why wic and Medicaid get a bad rap, there's a ton of govt programs that help people, who deserve help, get what they need. It's why they've been set up! Nobody deserves a guilt trip for using a program that's been set up to help! I'm sure that bitch didn't mind if she qualified for the tax credits for her kids she got or any other program that she or her family have ever qualified for! I'm gonna need for people to not judge for things that they've done themselves.8 hours ago ·- Lauryn Brook Johnson Sarah, she currently draws a disability check and doesn't work..... cast the first stone, right?8 hours ago ·
- Lauryn Brook Johnson Yep. I wish her no harm, just glad to have her toxic words out of my life. I'm purging the negativity and going into tomorrow with a positive mind and heart. I'm scared to death, but at least I can finally get answers.8 hours ago · · 1 person
Karen G. I Love You! I pray you get what you've been wanting for so long. I know you will be the most amazing mother. If you need me I am off until Thursday. You can call any time.7 hours ago ·
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Because I know people like to be nosy and because I stand behind every single thing I said to her. I resent the comment posted later by her that I am 'using' the government because I am 'too lazy' to work. Actually, I have the privilege of staying home right now and getting to put things in order for our journey to come while also doing something I love and using it to give back to others. I am NOT being lazy.
Rebecca Barnhill you don't owe anyone an explanation! it's no one's damn business!