So I think I'm ovulating this week but I'm not 100% sure. Yep, that's the first time in 7 months I haven't been able to tell you the exact dates I'm most fertile. I haven't peed on any sticks, I haven't imputed any dates in a calender, I don't even remember the last day of my last period. Randy and I aren't trying anymore and I can't tell you what a relief it is to say that.I feel better than I have in a while. I'm at peace with it. I always said, I don't want a holiday baby. That being said, if it happened of course I would be over joyed, but if I can plan around it, I'd like to. Most people who know me know this about me, but I suffer from seasonal bipolar disorder. It's not bad at all compared to most but my husband can tell you, winter me is a completely different person from spring me. Winter me is at my worst, and I want my baby to meet me for the first time at by best. Randy is also back in full swing with nursing school, I'm in full swing with
OlivePhotos and with my newest little project, hence the stall on the baby making. We are just trying to make the best choices for our little family, and I feel really good about it. We may pick up on the tracking thing in April or May, but we'll see how this goes for us first. I'm just tired of the stress and the anger and the bitterness and the disappointment.
Randy and I were talking last night about my new found sense of peace. I realized, there is a reason we aren't pregnant. A big one. It's because this world isn't ready for our baby yet. We've been through so much and tried so hard for this baby, I know it is destined for great things. Our baby is going to change the world. I don't know how, or why, or when but it's going to happen. And when it is the perfect time to set all the of the events into motion, we will have our Alice or our Oliver. When we have that baby there will be no other baby in the world as loved or appreciated and there will never be a day that goes by that I don't let them know that. Nothing that I do or don't do is going to change the date we get pregnant. That's predetermined. But when if finally happens we will be the happiest couple of goofy kids in the world.
'If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road'
We really have grown up together, and when it's time for us to be pregnant it'll happen. I have faith that it'll happen for us, and when it does, that child will be the light in our universe. I couldn't imagine being happier with anybody as when I'm with you... both of you I guess... regardless, your love is my greatest adventure.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way in the winter as my family and Chase would say. I've been that way forever which is why I knew I'd be prone to PPD because William was a late Fall baby. I can't wait until we can do out photo shoots with you this year and I will probably also shoot you many FB messages to help me decorate William's big boy room when we get our house!
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