Fears

I have a wonderful husband. A supremely supportive husband. A husband who's number one goal is to always make me happy. I am so lucky. But I am also so fearful. Fostering is such a big commitment. One I know I am ready and beyond willing to make, but I worry Randy only wants to make me happy. He says he's so excited, and the rational part of me says to believe him and take it for face value, but the worrier in me says I'm asking too much. I was made to be a mother, I know this for a fact, but that doesn't mean I should force my husband into sacrifice to make it happen. He's already given up so much. So much work and sweat has been poured into this house trying to get it ready. So many sleepless nights listening to me cry myself to sleep over negative test beyond negative test. So much money trying to make everything perfect. So many hardships still to face once this is over and we're finally licensed and a child is placed with us, and then taken away. I know it will be worth it to him in the end, and whatever child comes to us will be the luckiest in the world to count his as a father figure. I only hope he doesn't resent me now for it. Of course I'll never know if he does. He would never want to disappoint me or make me sad. This is my dream and he's following me into it. I hope he's as excited as he says he is. I need to stop borrowing troubles. That's just what's on my mind tonight.